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The Best Episodes of Two and a Half Men Season 1

Every episode of Two and a Half Men Season 1 ranked from best to worst. Discover the Best Episodes of Two and a Half Men Season 1!

Binge this in 8h 17m•Peaking at 8.6/10

A hedonistic jingle writer's free-wheeling life comes to an abrupt halt when his brother and 10-year-old nephew move into his beach-front house.

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Episode Rankings

  1. #1 Fan Favorite
    Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 1 - Pilot
    8.1/10(2817 votes)

    #1 - Pilot

    S1:E1

    Carefree jingle writer Charlie Harper has his lifestyle altered when his uptight brother and his 10-year-old nephew move in with him.

    Director:James Burrows
    Writers:Lee Aronsohn, Chuck Lorre

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  2. Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 2 - Big Flappy Bastards
    7.7/10(2318 votes)

    #2 - Big Flappy Bastards

    S1:E2

    Despite warnings from Charlie, Jake continues to feed seagulls on the deck and the birds invade the house. Meanwhile, Charlie thinks Judith is taking advantage of Alan, who keeps going to her house to fix things.

    Director:Andy Ackerman
    Writers:Eddie Gorodetsky, Lee Aronsohn, Chuck Lorre

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  3. Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 3 - Go East on Sunset Until You Reach the Gates of Hell
    7.7/10(2147 votes)

    #3 - Go East on Sunset Until You Reach the Gates of Hell

    S1:E3

    Jake wants to go home to his mom after he gets sick, prompting Alan to think he's a failure as a husband and now as a father.

    Directors:Andy Ackerman, Chuck Lorre
    Writer:Lee Aronsohn

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  4. Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 4 - If I Can't Write My Chocolate Song, I'm Going to Take a Nap
    7.9/10(2076 votes)

    #4 - If I Can't Write My Chocolate Song, I'm Going to Take a Nap

    S1:E4

    Charlie can't function when his housekeeper storms off because of Alan's constant complaints, so Alan tries desperately to woo her back. Meanwhile, Rose comes to Charlie for dating advice.

    Director:Andy Ackerman
    Writer:Unknown

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  5. Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 5 - The Last Thing You Want Is to Wind Up with a Hump
    7.8/10(2062 votes)

    #5 - The Last Thing You Want Is to Wind Up with a Hump

    S1:E5

    Alan and Charlie have encounters with some highly libidinous soccer moms, but with two very different outcomes.

    Directors:Lee Aronsohn, Andy Ackerman, Chuck Lorre
    Writer:Eddie Gorodetsky

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  6. Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 6 - Did You Check with the Captain of the Flying Monkeys?
    7.5/10(1955 votes)

    #6 - Did You Check with the Captain of the Flying Monkeys?

    S1:E6

    The guys go to Evelyn's house to meet the new man she's dating, and Charlie realizes the man's daughter is a woman he's trying to avoid.

    Directors:Lee Aronsohn, Andy Ackerman, Chuck Lorre
    Writers:Don Foster, Susan Beavers

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  7. Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 7 - If They Do Go Either Way, They're Usually Fake
    8.3/10(2070 votes)

    #7 - If They Do Go Either Way, They're Usually Fake

    S1:E7

    Judith is upset with Alan and Charlie when she learns that a surfer who uses Charlie's shower walks around half naked in front of Jake . Then Alan's worried when Judith and the surfer become friends.

    Directors:Andy Ackerman, Chuck Lorre
    Writer:Lee Aronsohn

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  8. Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 8 - Twenty-Five Little Pre-Pubers Without a Snoot-Ful
    7.8/10(1941 votes)

    #8 - Twenty-Five Little Pre-Pubers Without a Snoot-Ful

    S1:E8

    Alan tricks Charlie into joining him and Judith in leading Jake and his classmates in the school's annual music show.

    Directors:Lee Aronsohn, Chuck Lorre
    Writer:Eddie Gorodetsky

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  9. Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 9 - Phase One, Complete
    7.6/10(1854 votes)

    #9 - Phase One, Complete

    S1:E9

    Charlie is convinced that a woman who spent the night with him wants to turn their relationship into something serious after she befriends Jake and Evelyn.

    Director:Andy Ackerman
    Writers:Lee Aronsohn, Chuck Lorre

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  10. Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 10 - Merry Thanksgiving
    8.0/10(2019 votes)

    #10 - Merry Thanksgiving

    S1:E10

    Realizing he's losing someone special, Charlie plans a Thanksgiving dinner to convince her he's a family guy and that she should be with him.

    Director:Jay Sandrich
    Writers:Lee Aronsohn, Chuck Lorre

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  11. Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 11 - Alan Harper, Frontier Chiropractor
    7.6/10(1823 votes)

    #11 - Alan Harper, Frontier Chiropractor

    S1:E11

    When Alan is surprised to see that Judith has had a makeover and is dating a man, he decides to have Charlie help him transform his image.

    Directors:Robert Berlinger, Chuck Lorre
    Writer:Lee Aronsohn

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  12. Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 12 - Camel Filters and Pheromones
    8.6/10(2825 votes)

    #12 - Camel Filters and Pheromones

    S1:E12

    Berta's granddaughter spends the day at Charlie's, which isn't a problem until he learns she's a beautiful, rebellious 16-year-old.

    Directors:Robert Berlinger, Lee Aronsohn, Chuck Lorre
    Writer:Susan Beavers

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  13. Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 13 - Sarah Like Puny Alan
    7.6/10(1803 votes)

    #13 - Sarah Like Puny Alan

    S1:E13

    Charlie nurses an ailing Alan back to health so they can go on a double date with two sisters, one of whom Charlie's been wanting to date for a long time.

    Directors:Robert Berlinger, Chuck Lorre
    Writers:Don Foster, Lee Aronsohn

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  14. Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 14 - I Can't Afford Hyenas
    7.7/10(1819 votes)

    #14 - I Can't Afford Hyenas

    S1:E14

    Charlie's financial manager informs the carefree jingle writer that he spends money faster than his royalty checks come in, and now he must go on a budget.

    Directors:Lee Aronsohn, Chuck Lorre
    Writer:Eddie Gorodetsky

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  15. Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 15 - Round One to the Hot Crazy Chick
    7.8/10(1910 votes)

    #15 - Round One to the Hot Crazy Chick

    S1:E15

    Charlie invites a mysterious, slightly crazed woman to stay at the house until she can settle some family problems.

    Director:Andrew D. Weyman
    Writers:Lee Aronsohn, Chuck Lorre

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  16. Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 16 - That Was Saliva, Alan
    7.8/10(1858 votes)

    #16 - That Was Saliva, Alan

    S1:E16

    Charlie is perplexed when Frankie, the mysterious woman temporarily living in the Harper household, begins falling for Alan and not him.

    Director:Andrew D. Weyman
    Writers:Lee Aronsohn, Chuck Lorre

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  17. Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 17 - Ate the Hamburgers, Wearing the Hats
    7.9/10(1791 votes)

    #17 - Ate the Hamburgers, Wearing the Hats

    S1:E17

    Charlie's still brooding over Alan's choice of their cousin as Jake's guardian if both parents die when the boy has an accident while in his care and has to be rushed to the hospital.

    Director:Andrew D. Weyman
    Writer:Eddie Gorodetsky

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  18. Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 18 - An Old Flame with a New Wick
    8.4/10(2117 votes)

    #18 - An Old Flame with a New Wick

    S1:E18

    Charlie is stunned to learn his ex-girlfriend is now a man.

    Directors:Chuck Lorre, Andrew D. Weyman
    Writer:Lee Aronsohn

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  19. Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 19 - I Remember the Coatroom, I Just Don't Remember You
    8.1/10(1884 votes)

    #19 - I Remember the Coatroom, I Just Don't Remember You

    S1:E19

    Judith's devious siren sister stirs things up at Jake's 11th birthday party when she hits on Alan. Meanwhile, Evelyn brings alcohol and has a party of her own.

    Directors:Gail Mancuso, Lee Aronsohn, Chuck Lorre
    Writers:Don Foster, Eddie Gorodetsky, Lee Aronsohn, Chuck Lorre

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  20. Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 20 - Hey, I Can Pee Outside in the Dark
    7.5/10(1745 votes)

    #20 - Hey, I Can Pee Outside in the Dark

    S1:E20

    Jake's sullen mood baffles and bothers the family and prompts Alan and Judith to take him to a child psychologist.

    Directors:Lee Aronsohn, Gary Halvorson, Chuck Lorre
    Writer:Unknown

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  21. Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 21 - No Sniffing, No Wowing
    8.0/10(1874 votes)

    #21 - No Sniffing, No Wowing

    S1:E21

    Charlie plays a tricky game when he gets involved with Alan's divorce lawyer, who could make things difficult for Alan if she were, say, dumped by a self-centered lothario.

    Director:Lee Aronsohn
    Writers:Don Foster, Chuck Lorre

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  22. Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 22 - My Doctor Has a Cow Puppet
    7.8/10(1744 votes)

    #22 - My Doctor Has a Cow Puppet

    S1:E22

    When Charlie discovers that Alan is sleepwalking, he believes it's related to his brother's lack of sex following his divorce, and comes up with a cure.

    Directors:Gail Mancuso, Lee Aronsohn
    Writers:Eddie Gorodetsky, Chuck Lorre

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  23. Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 23 - Just Like Buffalo
    8.5/10(2049 votes)

    #23 - Just Like Buffalo

    S1:E23

    When Jake repeats one of Charlie's sexist remarks in front of Judith's support group, the women convince Judith to stop Jake's visits with his dad and Charlie.

    Director:Chuck Lorre
    Writers:Don Foster, Lee Aronsohn

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  24. Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 24 - Can You Feel My Finger?
    8.1/10(1807 votes)

    #24 - Can You Feel My Finger?

    S1:E24

    Charlie has a pregnancy scare involving one of his one-night stands and decides to go for the big "V," and we're not talking Vegas.

    Director:Chuck Lorre
    Writers:Lee Aronsohn, Chuck Lorre

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Season 1 Ratings Summary

"Pilot" is the best rated episode of "Two and a Half Men" season 1. It scored 8.1/10 based on 2817 votes. Directed by James Burrows and written by Lee Aronsohn, Chuck Lorre, it aired on 9/22/2003. This episode is rated 0.4 points higher than the second-best, "Big Flappy Bastards".