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The Best Episodes of Two and a Half Men

Every episode of Two and a Half Men ranked from best to worst. Let's dive into the Best Episodes of Two and a Half Men!

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A hedonistic jingle writer's free-wheeling life comes to an abrupt halt when his brother and 10-year-old nephew move into his beach-front house.

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Episode Rankings

  1. #1 Fan Favorite
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    Two and a Half Men Season 6 Episode 9 - The Mooch at the Boo
    7.9/10(13 votes)

    #1 - The Mooch at the Boo

    S6:E9

    Charlie finds himself in an uncomfortable position when Jake takes off with the daughter of a former NFL player. Charlie's Mercedes proves a boon to Alan's love life.

    Director:Jeff Melman
    Writers:Eddie Gorodetsky, Susan Beavers

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  2. Two and a Half Men Season 2 Episode 16 - Can You Eat Human Flesh with Wooden Teeth?
    7.8/10(13 votes)

    #2 - Can You Eat Human Flesh with Wooden Teeth?

    S2:E16

    When Judith decides to take a vacation, the brothers have to take care of Jake during the week. Alan finds it challenging, and even forgets to pick up Jake from soccer practice. When Alan finds out that he has to go to the I.R.S. because they're auditing him, he forces Charlie to take care of Jake, and Charlie doesn't do any better then Alan.

    Director:Pamela Fryman
    Writers:Don Foster, Susan Beavers

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  3. Two and a Half Men Season 5 Episode 8 - Is There a Mrs. Waffles?
    7.8/10(12 votes)

    #3 - Is There a Mrs. Waffles?

    S5:E8

    Charlie writes a children’s song and finds success as Charlie Waffles. The children love him and the mothers seem to as well. Charlie's new found fame irritates Alan.

    Director:Ted Wass
    Writers:Lee Aronsohn, Chuck Lorre

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  4. Two and a Half Men Season 5 Episode 9 - Shoes, Hats, Pickle Jar Lids
    7.7/10(12 votes)

    #4 - Shoes, Hats, Pickle Jar Lids

    S5:E9

    Charlie fights his attraction for Teddy's daughter.

    Director:Jean Sagal
    Writers:Don Foster, Eddie Gorodetsky

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  5. Two and a Half Men Season 5 Episode 11 - Meander to Your Dander
    7.7/10(10 votes)

    #5 - Meander to Your Dander

    S5:E11

    When Alan finds himself wanting to break up with a woman, Charlie offers his expertise.

    Director:James Widdoes
    Writers:Jim Patterson, Susan Beavers

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  6. Two and a Half Men Season 8 Episode 1 - Three Girls and a Guy Named Bud
    7.7/10(12 votes)

    #6 - Three Girls and a Guy Named Bud

    S8:E1

    When Jake finds out that Alan has been dating Eldridge's mom, he packs up and heads to Judith and Herb's. Meanwhile, Charlie decides it's time to cut back on boozing.

    Director:James Widdoes
    Writers:Lee Aronsohn, Chuck Lorre

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    The 20 WORST Episodes of Two and a Half Men

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  7. Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 7 - If They Do Go Either Way, They're Usually Fake
    7.6/10(17 votes)

    #7 - If They Do Go Either Way, They're Usually Fake

    S1:E7

    Judith is upset with Alan and Charlie when she learns that a surfer who uses Charlie's shower walks around half naked in front of Jake . Then Alan's worried when Judith and the surfer become friends.

    Directors:Andy Ackerman, Chuck Lorre
    Writer:Lee Aronsohn

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  8. Two and a Half Men Season 3 Episode 16 - Ergo, the Booty Call
    7.6/10(12 votes)

    #8 - Ergo, the Booty Call

    S3:E16

    Alan has trouble deciding if he should bring his younger girlfriend to Jake's birthday party to meet his mom and his ex-wife. Rose tries to get her boyfriend to act more like Charlie.

    Director:Gary Halvorson
    Writers:Don Foster, Susan Beavers

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  9. Two and a Half Men Season 5 Episode 3 - Dum Diddy Dum Diddy Doo
    7.6/10(13 votes)

    #9 - Dum Diddy Dum Diddy Doo

    S5:E3

    Alan convinces Charlie that he needs to date more respectable women and sets him up with a judge. The two double date and their waitress happens to be one of Charlie’s ex-girlfriends. Charlie's date backfires the following morning, when he ends up in court in front of the judge.

    Director:Ted Wass
    Writers:Lee Aronsohn, Chuck Lorre

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  10. Two and a Half Men Season 5 Episode 4 - City of Great Racks
    7.6/10(12 votes)

    #10 - City of Great Racks

    S5:E4

    Charlie and Linda get closer to consummating their relationship, but Charlie has trouble focusing when he begins to see Rose's face everywhere he turns.

    Director:James Widdoes
    Writers:Don Foster, Eddie Gorodetsky, Jim Patterson, Lee Aronsohn, Susan Beavers, Chuck Lorre

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  11. Two and a Half Men Season 6 Episode 12 - Thank God for Scoliosis
    7.6/10(11 votes)

    #11 - Thank God for Scoliosis

    S6:E12

    Charlie and Jake fight for the affections of a waitress, while Alan fights sexual tension with his receptionist.

    Director:Jeff Melman
    Writers:Eddie Gorodetsky, Jim Patterson, Chuck Lorre

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  12. Two and a Half Men Season 6 Episode 16 - She'll Still Be Dead At Halftime
    7.6/10(11 votes)

    #12 - She'll Still Be Dead At Halftime

    S6:E16

    Charlie has to remove a half-naked woman from his bedroom before Chelsea arrives.

    Director:Jeff Melman
    Writers:Don Foster, Eddie Gorodetsky

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  13. Two and a Half Men Season 6 Episode 19 - The Two Finger Rule
    7.6/10(11 votes)

    #13 - The Two Finger Rule

    S6:E19

    After Chelsea discovers a nude picture of another woman on Charlie's cell phone, he blows off steam by going out for a night of drinking with Alan, Herb and his neighbor.

    Director:James Widdoes
    Writers:Eddie Gorodetsky, Jim Patterson, Lee Aronsohn, Susan Beavers, Chuck Lorre

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  14. Two and a Half Men Season 6 Episode 24 - Baseball Was Better with Steroids
    7.6/10(10 votes)

    #14 - Baseball Was Better with Steroids

    S6:E24

    Charlie starts to question his relationship with Chelsea when he hears that Mia is back in town. Meanwhile, Judith goes into labor and Charlie, Alan and Herb rush her to the hospital, on the sixth season finale.

    Director:Lee Aronsohn
    Writers:Lee Aronsohn, Susan Beavers, Chuck Lorre

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  15. Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 4 - If I Can't Write My Chocolate Song, I'm Going to Take a Nap
    7.5/10(20 votes)

    #15 - If I Can't Write My Chocolate Song, I'm Going to Take a Nap

    S1:E4

    Charlie can't function when his housekeeper storms off because of Alan's constant complaints, so Alan tries desperately to woo her back. Meanwhile, Rose comes to Charlie for dating advice.

    Director:Andy Ackerman
    Writer:Unknown

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  16. Two and a Half Men Season 2 Episode 1 - Back Off, Mary Poppins
    7.5/10(15 votes)

    #16 - Back Off, Mary Poppins

    S2:E1

    Alan learns that Charlie belongs to an exclusive men's group, and he begs his brother to let him join.

    Directors:Pamela Fryman, Chuck Lorre
    Writers:Lee Aronsohn, Susan Beavers

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  17. Two and a Half Men Season 2 Episode 17 - Woo-Hoo, a Hernia Exam!
    7.5/10(13 votes)

    #17 - Woo-Hoo, a Hernia Exam!

    S2:E17

    After Charlie has back pain, Alan decides to take him to the Hospital. While there Charlie can't stop hitting on the doctor who is examining him. The only problem is that he has a history with her that he can't remember. Berta is feed up with Jake's inability to use the bathroom properly, so she decides to make him clean it until he learns.

    Director:Pamela Fryman
    Writers:Lee Aronsohn, Chuck Lorre

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  18. Two and a Half Men Season 3 Episode 11 - Santa's Village of the Damned
    7.5/10(13 votes)

    #18 - Santa's Village of the Damned

    S3:E11

    Alan starts dating a woman with a Martha Stewart complex. Before long she's running the house with an obsession for perfection.

    Director:Unknown
    Writers:Don Foster, Susan Beavers

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  19. Two and a Half Men Season 3 Episode 14 - Love Isn't Blind, It's Retarded
    7.5/10(11 votes)

    #19 - Love Isn't Blind, It's Retarded

    S3:E14

    Charlie arranges a romantic date with Mia in the hopes of consummating their relationship. Alan begins to date Charlie's most recent ex-girlfriend.

    Director:Gary Halvorson
    Writers:Don Foster, Susan Beavers

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  20. Two and a Half Men Season 3 Episode 20 - Always a Bridesmaid, Never a Burro
    7.5/10(13 votes)

    #20 - Always a Bridesmaid, Never a Burro

    S3:E20

    Alan tries to win Kandi back. Meanwhile, Charlie starts to sleep with her mom, Mandi, and Judith gets set up with her father, Andy.

    Director:Gary Halvorson
    Writers:Don Foster, Susan Beavers

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  21. Two and a Half Men Season 5 Episode 1 - Large Birds, Spiders and Mom
    7.5/10(13 votes)

    #21 - Large Birds, Spiders and Mom

    S5:E1

    Jake is getting ready to start a new school as he graduates to Junior High. Alan and Charlie take him school shopping and find themselves in trouble.

    Director:Ted Wass
    Writers:Lee Aronsohn, Chuck Lorre

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  22. Two and a Half Men Season 5 Episode 5 - Putting Swim Fins on a Cat
    7.5/10(12 votes)

    #22 - Putting Swim Fins on a Cat

    S5:E5

    Charlie has to come up with ways to keep his girlfriend's 4-year-old amused; Alan becomes a test subject.

    Director:James Widdoes
    Writers:Don Foster, Eddie Gorodetsky

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  23. Two and a Half Men Season 5 Episode 10 - Kinda Like Necrophilia
    7.5/10(11 votes)

    #23 - Kinda Like Necrophilia

    S5:E10

    Alan finds out that Charlie stole his girlfriend and works on a plan to get back at Charlie, even though this happened when they were in high school.

    Director:Ted Wass
    Writers:Lee Aronsohn, Chuck Lorre

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  24. Two and a Half Men Season 5 Episode 12 - A Little Clammy and None Too Fresh
    7.5/10(11 votes)

    #24 - A Little Clammy and None Too Fresh

    S5:E12

    Rose returns from England, and plays nurse rather oddly for an ill Charlie.

    Director:James Widdoes
    Writers:Lee Aronsohn, Chuck Lorre

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  25. Two and a Half Men Season 5 Episode 15 - Rough Night in Hump Junction
    7.5/10(11 votes)

    #25 - Rough Night in Hump Junction

    S5:E15

    Alan feels Charlie is unable to control his womanizing ways.

    Director:James Widdoes
    Writers:Lee Aronsohn, Chuck Lorre

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Best Episodes Summary

"The Mooch at the Boo" is the best rated episode of "Two and a Half Men". It scored 7.9/10 based on 13 votes. Directed by Jeff Melman and written by Eddie Gorodetsky, Susan Beavers, it aired on 11/24/2008. This episode scored 0.1 points higher than the second highest rated, "Can You Eat Human Flesh with Wooden Teeth?".