Major complications develop, when Gruber and the guys - Desperate to raise $300, for a tonsillectomy for Christy's little girl - Try to pass off a 'paint-by-numbers' portrait as a genuine 'Claude Gauguin' - Supposedly painted by the brother of the legendary French Artiste.

By the Numbers, Paint

Ernest Borgnine

Joe Flynn

Tim Conway

Carl Ballantine

Gary Vinson

Billy Sands

Edson Stroll

John Wright

Yoshio Yoda

Gavin MacLeod

Roy Roberts

Bob Hastings

Hollingsworth Morse

Chuckie Cottontail

Send This Ensign to Camp

When Binghamton discovers how superstitious McHale and The Crew are, he devises a plan to scare them into transferring out. But, when McHale and The Boys find that they've been duped, they cook up their own plan to scare Binghamton into canceling their transfers.

The Ghosts of 73

With his letters home, Gruber has led his girlfriend to believe that he's a Lieutenant Commander, and, when the girl pays a surprise visit to Taratupa, McHale reluctantly agrees to help him save face, by allowing him to act out the part. The charade almost gets them into big trouble, but winds up working out for the good, when it helps foil Binghamton's plan to have McHale assigned to a British Liaison's position.

Lester, the Skipper

Left alone on the 73, in New Caledonia, while McHale attends a staff meeting, and the Crew are on an unauthorized liberty, Parker receives the order from Binghamton to pick up the base payroll. After he's robbed of the $62,000, McHale and the guys frantically try to locate the cash, before Binghamton can accuse them of the theft.

It's a Mad, Mad, Mad War

Binghamton fakes an illness, and checks into the base hospital, appointing McHale as temporary Base Commander, to face an unscheduled inspection by a tough Admiral. But Binghamton's plan backfires, when McHale and The Crew manage to make it through the inspection, and turn the tables on The Captain.

McHale, the Desk Commando

Ordered to provide a safe haven for a Sultan and his 3 Daughters, Binghamton is forced to send McHale and The 73 Crew to rescue the royal family, and bring them to Taratupa. But, when Virgil sneaks one of the Princesses away for a romantic boat ride, Parker must become her stand-in, while the guys hustle to return the real Princess, before The Sultan and The Captain discover that she's missing.

McHale's Floating Harem

After Parker nearly drowns Binghamton, during an accident on the 73, The Captain calls for a Fitness Board Inquiry to determine Parker's fitness for duty. McHale and The Boys then execute a clever plan - Involving nitrous oxide, or 'Laughing Gas' - To help Binghamton to change his mind, which backfires, when an Admiral from the board arrives early, to investigate Parker's situation.

Laugh, Captain, Laugh

After Binghamton devises a scheme to frame McHale and The Crew for the theft of his wallet, Parker is arrested, and charged with the crime. But the Ensign is cleared, at the last minute, when McHale and The Boys produce Parker's star witness - An alligator that has taken a special liking to Parker.

Will the Alligator Take the Stand?

Binghamton has an ulterior motive, when he temporarily assigns a clumsy, bumbling British Sub-Lieutenant to the 73 Crew. When the Britisher captures Fuji, and places him under arrest as a spy, McHale and Parker work up a rather risky plan to free their Japanese friend, which is complicated by a visit from the Sub-Lieutenant's Admiral-Cousin.

The British Also Have Ensigns

After Parker is passed over again, for a promotion, Gruber devises a way for him to vent his frustrations, which winds up landing the Ensign in the brig, pending Court Martial. Then, when they find out about an upcoming visit by the head of the Senate Naval Affairs Committee - Whose name just happens to be Parker - McHale and The Boys work up a scheme to get their XO off the hook.

Senator Parker, Suh!

While out on maneuvers with McHale and the 73 Crew, Binghamton discovers what he thinks is The Fountain Of Youth.  But McHale and the boys know what really causes that youthful feeling, in one who drinks from it, and must scheme to keep it a secret.

Fountain of Youth

The Navy needs an airstrip on an island inhabited by fierce head-hunters, and McHale and the 73 Crew get some help from Mother Nature, when they go to negotiate a treaty with them.

The Great Eclipse

McHale and the boys help Binghamton get even, when he buys some ocean-front property in New Caledonia, from an unscrupulous Frenchman.

McHale and His Jet Set

Complications arise, when Christy â€“ Desperate to see his Daughter, on her 2nd birthday â€“ Stows away on a bomber, bound for San Diego.

Christy Goes Traveling

Parker is in Binghamton's dog house, again, but gets off the hook, when Leadbottom's Niece â€“ An Anthropology student, on a brief stay at Taratupa â€“ Wants to keep Parker around as a study subject.

The Missing Link

McHale and the boys take Fuji along to a big luau on a nearby island, where he falls for a lovely native girl, who has a boyfriend with a bad attitude.

Fuji's Big Romance

Binghamton's â€˜No-Fraternization' policy forces McHale and the boys to find a secret location for a big party they've planned, with the Nurses.  But Gruber's pet parrot spills the beans, to Binghamton.

The Stool Parrot

Marooned on a supposedly deserted island, for their mandatory survival test, Parker and Binghamton are captured by a Japanese patrol. McHale and The Crew, on their way to New Caledonia, to try out for the Navy talent show, are captured, as well, when they drop in, to check on The Captain and Parker. They must all then utilize their various talents in a plan to get out of the situation.

The PT 73 Follies

In an effort to get the goods on the 73 Crew, Binghamton lures the boys into the hospital, under false pretenses, and has them injected them with sodium pentothal - Or 'truth serum' - Which causes them to tell him everything he wants to know. McHale and Parker must then work up a plan to get them off the hook, by literally giving Binghamton a dose of his own medicine.

The Truth Hurts

After The Captain has his annual physical exam, the guys see an opportunity to get him out of the way for a while, and 'doctor' his X-rays to make it look like he's dying. But the plan backfires, when - In an effort to go out a hero - Binghamton volunteers to lead the 73 Crew on a dangerous mission to destroy an enemy fuel dump.

The Late Captain Binghamton

In an effort to gather evidence of any shady activities, Binghamton appoints Carpenter as the 73's new Executive Officer, and makes Parker the base's Laundry Officer. After Parker fouls up, McHale and the guys try to help him out, but Carpenter catches them in the act, forcing McHale to come up with a plan to get out of the situation, and get Parker his job back.

McHale's Floating Laundromat

When Binghamton learns that all Chief Petty Officers are to be shipped out, he talks all the guys into taking the exam for CPO, then fixes the results to see that all of them pass. Now without a Crew, the 73 is to be scrapped, and McHale and Parker are to be reassigned. But a very determined Ensign Parker takes it upon himself to keep the 73 in business.

All Chiefs and No Indians

After Admiral Rogers mistakes a pretty young Nurse for Binghamton's wife, McHale and Parker must hustle to keep the situation a secret from Binghamton's real wife, who has come to visit the base as part of the Women's Navy League tour.

Pumpkin Takes Over

After the guys swipe Binghamton's dictation machine, Parker is nailed for the crime, while in the process of returning it, and The Captain throws him into the brig, pending Court Martial. Parker must then work with McHale and the boys in a complicated plan to try to make Binghamton drop the charges, by making him think he's losing his mind.

The Seven Faces of Ensign Parker

McHale's gambling, conniving, saloon-keeping old friend - Maggie Monohan - Is back in business, in New Caledonia, and Binghamton has been ordered to shut her down. Seeing an opportunity to 'kill two birds with one stone', Binghamton schemes to nail McHale and The Crew along with her, but McHale and Maggie join forces, in a plan to keep him from doing so.

The Return of Maggie

Struck on the head, during a Japanese raid, Parker develops regressive amnesia, and thinks he's returned to his childhood days at summer camp. McHale and the guys must then try to keep the Ensign out of sight, long enough to think of a way to cure him, before the Fleet Medical Officer arrives, to examine him.

While searching McHale's island for some stolen eggs, Binghamton, Carpenter, and Admiral Hardesty are captured by Japanese soldiers, drunk on the egg nog made from the stolen eggs. But they're soon rescued by the Easter Bunny, on his way to an Easter egg hunt, supervised by McHale and the guys, for some native school children.

Binghamton panics, when he learns that Naval Intelligence is on it's way to investigate the disappearance of a $1000 jade necklace, which he bought with funds 'borrowed' from the Officer's Club. Then, after the necklace turns up, Binghamton tries to frame McHale and his men with the crime, in order to cover his tracks.

The Great Necklace Caper

Binghamton and McHale have been sent to negotiate the oil rights to the oil-rich island nation of Durani.  But The Shah of Durani refuses to sign the agreement without an Admiral present.  Admiral Rogers is not available, So, much to Binghamton's dismay, Parker â€“ As a reward for rescuing The Shah's Daughter from an attempted mugging â€“ Is temporarily promoted to Admiral, until the treaty has been signed.

Will the Real Admiral Please Stand Up?

After running into Jerry Colonna, in New Caledonia, McHale and the guys talk the bug-eyed, mustachioed comic into making an unscheduled stop, for a show, on Taratupa. But, when they learn that the base doesn't qualify for a Special Services show, they must make some special arrangements for an 'epidemic', at the base hospital.

Hello, McHale? Colonna!

Binghamton tries to frame the 73 Crew for the manufacture and sale of illegal liquor, and has them all thrown into the brig, pending an investigation. But, with a little outside help, McHale and the guys manage to escape from jail, and execute a complicated scheme to make The Captain look like a lunatic, in the eyes of the Fleet Legal Officer.

Rumble on Taratupa

When an MIT-trained electronics wizard comes to the base to convert the 73 into a fully automated, remote-controlled vessel, McHale and the Crew fear that they may soon become obsolete. But they're reprieved, at the last minute, with help from a very unlikely source.

All Ahead, Empty

Angry after another mishap with Parker, Binghamton assigns the Ensign to coast-watching duty in a hazardous location. But he quickly changes his mind, when he finds that Parker may be the only source of his extremely rare blood type in the South Pacific.

The Vampire of Taratupa

After learning that his stateside employer has closed down, Binghamton lands a job as an insurance salesman, under the condition that he sell life insurance policies to the 73 Crew. But The Captain's high-pressure sales tactics prompt McHale and the guys to work up a plan to get back at him.

Birth of a Salesman

In response to a letter from Gruber and the guys, a glamorous movie star makes the trip to Taratupa, with a plan to create some publicity for herself. But her scheme soon goes awry, and someone else winds up grabbing all the headlines.

A Star Falls on Taratupa

Binghamton pressures a young new member of the 73 Crew into spying on McHale and the guys, to try to gather evidence of any shady activities. But The Captain's plan is foiled by another new member of the crew, who proves to be not only very intelligent, but an excellent Sailor, as well.

Make Room for Orvie

An experienced South Pacific Sea Dog by the name of Quinton McHale, was commissioned as a Lieutenant Commander into the U.S. Navy Reserve at the start of World War II.

McHale was made the Skipper of the Torpedo Patrol (PT) Boat #73 stationed at the U.S. Naval Installation on the island of Taratupa in the Southwest Pacific.

The 73 'Family' included, among others, a con man and amateur Magician, a womanizing hunk, a dedicated Family man, a guitar-playing, moonshine-making Tennessee good ol' boy, and even a deserter from the Japanese Navy, who was an excellent cook.

By the Numbers, Paint

Seasons4

Season 3 Episodes36

Cast12

Crew1

Discussion

Episode Summary