Joan baby-sits for a 6-year-old boy who is obsessed with death; officers assault a black man at a gas station.

Death Be Not Whatever

Amber Tamblyn

Joe Mantegna

Mary Steenburgen

Jason Ritter

Michael Welch

Barbara Hall

The Devil Made Me Do It

Bringeth It On

16 year old Joan Girardi is approached by someone claiming to be God.  He gives her a mission, get a job.  Will Girardi, Joan's dad and new chief of police for Arcadia, is trying to solve the case of a serial killer.

Pilot

Joan enrolls in advanced-placement chemistry, after God asks her to stop being an underachiever; Will ruffles feathers during an arson investigation.

The Fire and the Wood

God encourages Joan to learn how to play chess; Will must work with a psychic on a missing toddler case; Helen hopes a miracle will enable Kevin to walk again.

Touch Move

Helen fears Joan is becoming eccentric when she enthusiastically tackles her boat-building project; Will encourages Kevin to join a wheelchair basketball team.

The Boat

Joan learns from God that she's holding a garage sale on Saturday, which doesn't leave her much time to sort through her family's unwanted belongings. Among the items she unearths are paintings created by Helen during a dark period in her life. Elsewhere, Will goes to bat for a rape victim even though the district attorney feels the case isn't strong enough. Also, Joan catches the interest of a class charmer and a newspaper job falls right into Kevin's lap.

Just Say No

Joan gets a lesson in popularity when God tells her to try out for the cheerleading squad, and her efforts to impress two pom-pom girls pay off with an invite to hang out together outside of school. Meanwhile, Will's first case working with Det. Toni Williams involves an abandoned newborn left in a trash bin, presumably by a student from Arcadia High. Another story line has a classmate sensing a gay vibe in Luke.

God's mysterious ways once again bewilder Joan, when He asks her to volunteer at the high-school art show, so that she can keep Adam Rove's sculpture from being exhibited. Elsewhere, Will feels pressure from the DA's office to call a man a hero after he shoots and kills a home intruder. Meanwhile, Kevin grows weary of receiving special treatment because he uses a wheelchair.

God wants Joan to score an ""A"" on a test about French saint Joan of Arc. As the teen hits the books, she draws comparisons to the life of the young heroine who claimed to hear divine voices and was burnt at the stake. Helen finds her daughter's newest obsession troublesome and urges Will to have the entire family visit a therapist. Meanwhile, Will is unjustly raked over the coals for shutting down a crack house.

St. Joan

Each of the Girardis deal with crises of varying seriousness, the worst of which puts Will at the mercy of a crazed gunman. The day also finds Helen reacting with mixed emotions after getting a positive result on a home-pregnancy test. Meanwhile, Joan dreads having to take her driver's exam, and Luke is presented with a major distraction just before he's supposed to compete in a high-stakes competition.

Drive, He Said

God instructs Joan to ask a troublemaker to the winter formal.  Will uncovers secrets that could prove unfavorable to the former Chief of Police and other members of the city's government.

The Uncertainty Principle

Joan is saddened when she learns Rocky (Death Be Not Whatever) has passed away, causing her to further question God about life and death.  Will loses his job when his discovery, and whistle blowing, of a political conspiracy causes the town government, and police department, to be desolved. While Luke continues to work on his science project and his growing attraction to Grace and Kevin is injured in a game of basketball.

Jump

At Helen's insistance, she and Will take a getaway to a spa, but all does not go well when Will cannot forget about his job.  And with the parents away, the kids are up to a little recreation of their own; Kevin and his boss, Rebecca, find it hard to ignore their mutual attraction; Joan, as she is trying to sort out her feelings for Adam, is instructed by God to throw a party while her parents are way; Luke helps Joan pull off a successful party.

Recreation

God tells Joan to join the debate team, where her partner has a stuttering problem.  A new security system is implemented at Arcadia High School.  After the art teacher quits, Helen wonders if she would be right for the job.  Both Kevin and Luke seperately deal with the aftermath of a kiss.  And Will and Toni deal with a case involving a reverend accussed of child molestation.

State of Grace

Joan's newest mission from God is to work with kids, so she volunteers to help babysit children of abused mothers; Joan becomes jealous when Adam falls for one of the volunteers; Kevin starts to get cocky again and sleeps with his girlfriend, Rebecca; previous events emotionally catch up with Will; and Luke makes a shocking admission to Kevin.

Night Without Stars

God tells Joan to learn to jump rope with a group of inner-city teens, one of whom Joan discovers is homeless. Kevin goes on a date, but not with who you think.

Double Dutch

After Joan stands up for one of her classmates being bullied, an embarrassing picture of Joan, taken with a picture phone, is rapidly spread around school. God instructs Joan to join the band. Will must deal with an elderly driver who accidentally killed several people.

No Bad Guy

God instructs Joan to help out with the a chaotic Girardi household; Adam has his first art show; Will and Toni witness a carjacking. Will and Toni, while making an arrest, get stuck in an elevator with a pregnant woman who is about to give birth; Kevin believes he might be recovering some sensation in his stomach area and gets an EMG (a nerve conduction) test done.

Requiem for a Third Grade Ashtray

God tells Joan to take piano lessons; Joan helps her piano teacher deal with her past; Joan learns a painful secret Will and Helen have been keeping from the family; Iris becomes suspicious of Adam and Joan closeness.

Do the Math

Joan joins the yearbook staff, per God's request, and decides to use this assignment as a means of impressing Adam...

Feeling threatened that Iris and Adam continue to share a bond over their passion for art, Joan vows to discover a hidden talent that Adam will admire. However, her disastrous attempt to be the yearbook's star photographer soon adds to her insecurities about losing him. Meanwhile, Will and Toni attempt to set up a sting for a man who is planning to hire a hitman to murder his wife.

Anonymous

Joan takes a cosmetics class, per God's request, and Kevin doesn't react well to crossing paths with the last girlfriend he dated before his disabling accident...

Glynis' flattering makeover attracts a great deal of positive attention at school, which only adds to Joan's disappointment when Adam fails to notice her own new look. Meanwhile, Kevin, who remains bitter with the belief that he had been dumped by Beth because he had become a paraplegic, harshly rebuffs her efforts to make peace with him.

Vanity, Thy Name Is Human

After God tells Joan to give Adam a gift, she finds something that leads her to wonder if God's suggesting she have sex with him...

While secretly searching through Adam's backpack for gift ideas, Joan is stunned to find a condom there. She soon wonders if sex is the ""gift"" God had in mind, and she nervously ponders whether or not she'd be ready for such a big step. Meanwhile, Kevin begins covering court proceedings for the paper and ends up causing a stir in one of Will's cases.

The Gift

When the hospitalized Joan is diagnosed with Lyme disease, she begins to question if she's been seeing God or merely experiencing the hallucinations that can be symptomatic of her condition...

Upon hearing that Joan may have been suffering from the symptoms of Lyme Disease for months, a somewhat relieved Will and Helen believe this news may explain Joan's mood swings and atypical behavior, while a concerned Adam wonders if Joan will be different upon her recovery. Meanwhile, the hospitalized Joan experiences a crisis of faith -- and considers revealing to someone close to her that she's been talking to God. In separate circumstances, Helen and Will begin to rethink their belief systems after, respectively, experiencing spiritual dreams and miraculous events.

Silence

Joan Girardi has begun acting a little strange since her family moved to the city of Arcadia. No one knows that various people keep introducing themselves as God, and then giving the teenager specific directions to do things. Unsure of what God wants, and if she's even sane, Joan tentatively begins to follow God's cryptic directives, all the while trying to retain a "normal" teen-aged existence.

Death Be Not Whatever

Seasons2

Season 1 Episodes23

Cast5

Crew1

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Episode Summary