The Keaton kids are dismayed when the local playhouse agree to stage Steven's radical 60's college play, ""A Draft Card for the Burning"". Embarrassed by the script's laughably dated hippie lingo, they are not surprised when Elyse refuses to reprise her leading role as Sequola Free, the play's sexy activist/anthropology student.

The Play's the Thing

Meredith Baxter

Michael Gross

Michael J. Fox

Justine Bateman

Tina Yothers

Brian Bonsall

Debbie Allen

The Spirit of Columbus

Miracle in Columbus

As the Keaton household gets ready for the first day of the new school year, Alex reminds Jennifer of how incredibly successful he was at the high school she's about to enter, and preps Andrew on the most efficient kindergarten take-over tactics, before leaving for the Leland campus to participate in a psychology research project on overachievers.

Having responded to an ad soliciting paid subjects, Alex shows up for his first interview and is greeted by the author of the study, pretty senior Psychology major, Lauren Miller. They clash almost immediately over Alex's monetary demands and Lauren's increasingly heated allusions to the emotionally-bankrupt, materialistic attitudes of overachievers like him.

The Last of the Red Hot Psychologists

Mallory is thrilled to follow in ""Dear Abby's"" footsteps when she's tapped to write the personal advice column in the Columbus Shopper's Guide. She manages to involve the entire family, even Alex, in reading and answering the growing stack of mail, while searching for the perfect letter to launch her career in psycho-journalism.  Mallory finally settles on a note from a lovesick teen who signs her correspondence ""First Love"".

Dear Mallory

While Nick entertains the Keatons with a demonstration of the ""salesmanship"" he's using in his new job selling lightbulbs over the phone, an impatient Andrew waits for Alex to come home so they can watch a special edition of ""Wall Street Week"" together.

When Alex finally arrives, Andy is depressed to see that he has brought his new love, Lauren Miller. To make matters worse, Alex forgoes watching ""Wall Street Week"" in favor of spending time with Lauren, which only adds to Andy's frustration.

The Other Woman

Jennifer is appalled when nerdy sophomore Simon Wickerson falls head over heels in love with her. Although Jennifer rejects his advances, Simon is undaunted. He follows her home and tries to shower her with expensive gifts, but Jennifer only has eyes for Roger, a sophomore ""hunk"" who doesn't even know she's alive.

Dream Date

As Elyse wraps up a major project for her firm, she realizes that her busy architectural career is causing her to neglect her family, especially Andy.  Although Elyse feels terrible about not devoting more time with Steven and the kids, she doesn't want to give up her rewarding position at the firm.

Just when she expects a breather, Elyse's boss dumps a prestigious project into her lap. Inspired by the challenge, she accepts the enormous job, despite initial misgivings. Later that afternoon, when a teacher calls to tell Elyse that no one has come to pick Andy up from school, ""Super Mom"" begins to feel like a failure, unable to juggle her private and professional demands.

Super Mom

When Steven arrives home with news of a job opening at his station, an internship position he feels would be perfect for Mallory, he finds his family deeply engrossed in a contest to locate the missing ""Colonel Crackle"" from clues found in Crackle cereal boxes. An excited Alex happily spearheads the search, which offers the winner a 5,000 dollar prize.

Steven is equally enthused about the idea of having Mallory come to work at WKS. Although Mallory tries to squirm out of giving him an immediate answer, Steven dismisses her objections and pressures her into accepting his offer.

Walking On Air

Alex and Lauren face the first real test of their budding romance when one of Lauren's former loves comes for a visit and Alex finds himself feeling uncharacteristically insecure.

While turning a ""foolproof"" meal of frozen TV dinners into a complete disaster, Lauren gets a call from her handsome and brilliant ex-boyfriend, Eric Matthews, who announces that he's flying in from New York and wants to take her to dinner. Careful to avoid any possible misunderstanding, Lauren consults with Alex before accepting Eric's invitation, and is reassured that Alex doesn't mind at all.

Invasion of the Psychologist Snatchers

The Keatons are surprised, but delighted, when Elyse's Aunt Rosemary shows up for a visit. Although Rosemary claims to have sent a letter and spoken with Mallory about her arrival, the mix-up is quickly forgotten as the family warmly welcomes their loving and favorite aunt.

Rosemary charms the Keatons with her wit, humor and wonderful family stories. But soon, she begins to act strangely to simple questions, and Elyse starts to worry when Rosemary begins repeating things that have just been discussed. Finally,  Rosemary admits that she has been having trouble with her memory and has no idea how she even got to the Keaton home.

The Way We Were

Fearing the long-term effects of Andy's liberal upbringing with Its lack of strong gender identification, Alex tries to push his little brother into learning to play basketball, only to end up in some heated games of one-on-one with Steven.

Meanwhile, In an effort to supplement his income from teaching at the ""Y"", Nick naively applies for the job of Dean of Admissions of Grant College. When he's rejected, he lets Mallory persuade him to take the job as janitor of her sorority house.

Mister Sister

When Mallory decides to run for student body president of Grant College, her family is surprised at her uncharacteristic interest in politics. She explains that ""it just sounded like a good idea"", and introduces Skippy as the manager of this rather unfocused campaign. Still her most ardent admirer, Skippy encourages the whole family to work on Mallory's behalf.

Citizen Keaton

When Steven's recently divorced brother Rob arrives with his son and daughter for a visit, the Keaton's become a sounding board for their relatives' family problems. In the wake of his divorce, Uncle Rob has given up his job as a CPA and is enjoying  ""working in the great outdoors"" as a telephone repairman, a considerably less lucrative career which his teenage daughter Marilyn feels is a great hardship on the family, and particularly on her.

Father Time  (1)

When Uncle Rob's daughter Marilyn stays out all nite with a Marine she meets while visiting the Keaton's, the family becomes painfully aware of her deep-seated anger with her father over her parents' divorce. Rob is left feeling stunned and hurt, as the Keatons begin to realize that communications between their beloved relatives have completely broken down.

The following morning, when Marilyn comes home and flatly refuses to talk to her father, the Keatons jump in to try and help. While Elyse shepherds everyone out for ""a walk"", Steven stays behind with Rob to discuss Rob's feelings about his guilt over the divorce and his fears about confronting his daughter. Things don't improve when Marilyn tries to leave a day early for her mother's house and ends up in a screaming match with her father.

Deeply troubled, Rob finally forces himself to corner Marilyn and press for an honest talk. And as he opens his heart to her, she finds herself unable to resist the power of his love.

Father Time  (2)

When Lauren is required to write a paper on the typical American family, she chooses the Keatons. Focusing first on Steven and Elyse, she asks about their history together and the growth of the family, prompting Elyse to reminisce about her pregnancy with Andy. Steven recalls what a thrill Andy's arrival was to everyone, especially Alex, who was delighted to finally have a brother.

The American Family

While plans are in full swing for the Keaton's 20th anniversary party, Steven and Elyse are fighting and it looks like they may not make it that far.

Elyse wants to have a big party to celebrate the Keaton's 20th anniversary and Steven reluctantly agrees. Steven's enthusiasm for the affair diminishes even further as Elyse's guest list expands and the domestic problems begin to stack up, the happy couple are at each other's throats... until the kids decide they'd better do something if they want their parents to stay together.

Anniversary Waltz

The Christmas spirit has come to the Keaton house, where the family is busy baking Christmas cookies when Skippy stops by to ask a favor. He wants Alex to pinch-hit for him as Santa at the mall, and Alex agrees after hearing about the excellent hourly wage.

With Mallory and Jennifer along as his wall-paid elves, ""Santa"" Alex dispenses stock tips and financial advice to long lines of children.  Besieged by kids with elaborate Christmas lists, Alex is surprised when he's approached by a sad-looking little girl who insists she doesn't want anything for Christmas and doesn't believe in Santa Claus. Her mother explains that seven-year-old Michelle is very depressed that her father, a traveling salesman who is struggling to make a living, won't be home for the holiday.

Alex is more than a little sceptical when Nick enters his sculpture "Spirit of Columbus", priced at $200, in an art show at the mall. but when Nick returns with the money and the news that he had several buyers vying for the piece, Alex decides that Nick is completely unaware of the marketability of his work. Appalled that Nick let potential buyers go away empty-handed, he insists that Nick increase the supply to meet the demand and steps in as Nick's manager for a hefty commission.

Alex becomes a deejay of his own college radio show with a program he calls "Syncopated Money", designed to "combine classic American music with an indepth analysis of the business scene". While on the air one day, Alex introduces a tune by "the late blues great, Eddie Dupre", only to discover that Dupre is alive when the legendary blues artist himself calls the station.

The Blues Brother

Jennifer comes home from school feeling blue because after choosing the American classic "Huckleberry Finn" as the subject of her book report, she learns that the novel has been put on the school board's list of banned books. Although her favorite English teacher, Mr. Flaherty, disagrees with the decision, he informs Jennifer that he must uphold the board's ruling about the book.

Jennifer decides to disregard the school's edicts and goes ahead with her report, which she insists of reading aloud in class. Flaherty is forced to summon the principal, who confiscates the paper. Later, Flaherty tells Jennifer and her family that even though he personally admires her courage and commitment, he must fail her on her report. Even worse, she must face the wrath of the principal and possible suspension.

Read It and Weep  (1)

While Jennifer steels herself for a showdown with school authorities, Steven and Elyse prepare to back her up in her fight against the school board's book banning policy. Even Mallory gets into the act and shocks the family by falling in love with the forbidden ""Huckleberry Finn"", which she ends up reading aloud to Nick.

Nothing is solved at the meeting with the school principal, Dr. Hewitt, the head of the school board and Jennifer's English teacher Mr. Flaherty when the Keaton's refuse to comply with the new school ruling. Jennifer is crushed by the fact that Flaherty, whom she respects and admires, will not stand up to Hewitt and the board even though he claims to be completely on her side.

Read It and Weep  (2)

While Andy is inspired by his parents' old love letters to try his hand at writing one to a kindergarten sweetheart, Lauren finds herself less and less able to spend time with Alex. She is struggling with her psychology thesis and is becoming increasingly depressed by her lack of significant progress. She confesses to the Keatons that she sometimes has the urge to quit, but Steven and Elyse encourage her to hang in there and keep working on it, much to Alex's chagrin.

The day after she has broken yet another date with Alex to work on her thesis, Lauren complains to him that the project which once thrilled her has become incredibly boring. Having received a lukewarm response from her professor on what she has accomplished so far, Lauren finds the temptation to quit and spend more time with Alex too strong to resist. Alex happily assures her that she is making the right decision.

Quittin' Time

As Steven goes thru another one of his dreaded "magician phases" and tries to rope the whole family into participating in his magic tricks, the Keatons get a visit from Evelyn Mitchum, a former neighbor now living in New York, whose daughter Rosalie was beat friend with Mallory in junior high.

The family is delighted to welcome Evelyn, but the tragic suicide of her daughter a year earlier makes for some awkward moments when they reminisce about old times. Sensing that Evelyn may need someone to confide in, Elyse makes a gentle but unsuccessful attempt to get her to open up about her devastating loss.

When Evelyn turns her attention almost exclusively to Mallory, first inviting her to lunch, then on trips to the mall and the museum, Elyse begins to suspect that Mallory has become a surrogate Rosalie for Evelyn and warns Mallory she may get hurt. But Mallory insists she can and must handle the situation herself.

Spring Reminds Me (a.k.a. Rosalie's Legacy)

As Elyse prepares for her high school reunion, she is contacted by her old buddy, Roger "Eggy" Erdman, a klutzy class nerd turned millionaire. Never a romantic couple, Elyse and "Eggy" made a bizarre team even as friends, since Elyse was the most popular girl in class. She explains to the family that Roger needed someone to keep the bullies away and to save him from his own clumsiness.

The Boys Next Door

While Alex prepares little Andrew's resume for future kindergarten elections, Elyse proudly tells the family that Andy has been chosen as "Buddy for the Day" at school, which means he will be responsible for showing a new classmate around.

The new student, Josh Richards, turns out to be deaf. Accompanied by his mother, Josh is introduced to Andy by Andy's teacher, who explains that although Josh can't hear, he can speak by signing with his hands. Tentative at first, Andy leads Josh off to "show him the ropes", telling his curious classmates about Josh's deafness and his ability to sign.

Sign of the Times

Cousin June returns to the Keaton household for a visit after a three year stay in London. All of the Keatons are eager to hear her tales of England, but they just can't seem to let her get a word in edgewise.

Return of the Native

Nick again demonstrates his flair for teaching art by conducting a class at the "Y" for children, including Andrew. So popular is the class, in fact, that when the "Y" needs the classroom space back for another program, the kids and their enthusiastic parents are very disappointed. Mallory tells the family that Nick would really like to open up his own art school, and Alex escorts Nick to the bank to help him get a loan.

Father, Can You Spare a Dime?

Former 1960s flower children Steven and Elyse Keaton raise their conservative son Alex, daughters Mallory and Jennifer, and later, youngest child Andrew.

The Play's the Thing

Seasons7

Season 6 Episodes26

Cast6

Crew1

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